My Partner Was Charged with Domestic Assault — But I Don’t Want To Pursue It
This is one of the most common calls we get.
Someone’s partner, spouse, or ex has been charged with domestic assault, but they don’t want them charged. Maybe the situation was misunderstood, maybe things escalated during an argument, or maybe you just want space — not handcuffs and court dates.
You told the police you didn’t want anyone arrested.
They charged them anyway.
Now what?
1. Can You Drop the Charges?
Short answer? No.
Once the police are involved and someone is charged, the case becomes the Crown’s. That means it’s no longer up to you — it’s up to the prosecutor whether they continue with the case or not. It is not like American Popular culture, where people “drop charges”. That is out of your hands, but we can help it get there, if it is appropriate. There are lots of possible resolutions we can explore, so call us so we can help you better understand the system.
We know, it’s frustrating. But in Alberta (and all of Canada), domestic violence is taken very seriously, and police are trained to lay charges even if the complainant doesn’t want it. They do this out of concern for safety — not because they’re trying to ruin lives.
2. Why Did They Charge Them If You Didn’t Want That?
The police don’t need your permission. If they believe there are grounds — based on what they see, hear, or are told — they will lay a charge. We can help you sort it out before and after court, but it will likely still go there.
This could be based on:
A statement you made in the heat of the moment
A neighbour calling 911
Physical marks, damage in the home, or even emotional distress
Even if you say afterward, “I don’t want them charged,” it may be too late. Police are trained to err on the side of caution in domestic calls.
3. What Happens Next — And What You Can Do
The person charged will likely have:
A no-contact order (which means they can’t reach out to you)
A court date
A condition to stay away from the home, even if it’s theirs
This can be incredibly stressful — especially if you still want contact, or need them around for childcare, rent, or emotional support.
Here’s what you can do:
Contact a criminal defence lawyer on their behalf
Ask about changing bail conditions
Write a letter to the Crown or fill out a statement of your wishes
Clarify that you are not afraid and would like to resume contact (if that’s the case)
We can help you approach these situations in an effective way when the situation calls for it.
We can help with all of this. At Patmore Defence, we’ve helped both complainants and accused navigate this confusing process — and sometimes even repair the situation without going through a full trial. You are entitled to Independent Legal Advice (ILA) if you are a complainant or accused person. It starts with a conversation.
4. You're Not Alone — and You’re Not the Only One in This Situation
You’re allowed to feel conflicted. You’re allowed to want things to calm down without wanting someone to go to jail. You’re allowed to want support, not punishment.
Whatever you're feeling — it’s likely valid. And we’re here to help you move forward in a way that makes sense for you and your situation.
Need Help Navigating Domestic Assault Charges in Calgary?
Whether you're the person who was charged or the one who made the call and now feels stuck, we're here to support you.
Free consultations. No judgment. Real solutions.
Learn More About Domestic Assault Charges
📞 Call or text Ryan Patmore Criminal Defence – 403-909-4822